Everybody I know grew up on a dairy farm.\u00a0 Okay, it just seems that way.\u00a0 Most of my farm kid buddies spent time with cows. \u00a0We dairy kids had a certain subtle scent when we came to school after morning chores: \u201cEau de bovine.\u201d\u00a0 Hundreds of farms in Brown County sold milk back then.<\/p>\n
At some point, things from our youth become treasured as memories.\u00a0 Time in the barn with my dad was when we had the best conversations.\u00a0 I feel warm inside remembering the toasty barn on frigid winter nights.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t fond of cleaning calf pens, but less pleasant things get shoved to the bottom of the memory-chest.\u00a0 Memories sort themselves as we age.<\/p>\n
I was talking with Terry Helget about this phenomenon of dairy kids embracing recollections of our shared childhood.\u00a0 We were comparing remembrances of barns and calves and haying.<\/p>\n
That is when I had the Greatest Idea Ever.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure a lightbulb went on over my head.\u00a0 I told Terry we\u2019re going to open a Retirement Dairy Farm where aging baby boomers can come and relive their youth.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll have twenty cows in stanchions with calf pens across the way.\u00a0 There\u2019ll be an AC Ochs silo on one end, feed room on the other, a hay mow up above.\u00a0 Our customers\u2019 hearts will skip a beat when they step inside and are suddenly young again.<\/p>\n
I told Terry this is going to be big, really big.\u00a0 He was skeptical. \u00a0That\u2019ll change once I\u2019ve shown him how this is going to make us a fortune.<\/p>\n
Former dairy kids will be able to buy a season pass; they\u2019ll be part of the Cow Club.\u00a0 Others can purchase a week-long pass for Cow Camp.\u00a0 We\u2019ll leave spots open for those who want to come for the day.\u00a0 They\u2019ll be able to buy a Cow Card at the driveway ticket booth.<\/p>\n
Grown men and women will tear up when they lean on a cow for the first time in fifty years.\u00a0 \u00a0A big ol\u2019 Holstein is a wonderful creature, docile and huge, sort of a cross between a kitten and a brontosaurus.\u00a0 Throwing a strap over Bessy and attaching the milking machine, even with the risk of a tail-slap, is an extraordinary tactile experience.<\/p>\n
Besides the bovines, other critters will be part of the experience.\u00a0 A farm dog will love you unconditionally and want nothing more than to follow you around.\u00a0 (You know, like your wife did before you got married.)\u00a0 The dog will be named Shep.\u00a0 My dad called every dog we ever had Shep, and that\u2019s good enough for me.\u00a0 Barn cats will be near, ready for spilt milk and a back scratch.<\/p>\n
There will be a barn radio up on a shelf behind the cows.\u00a0 Our Retirement Dairy Farm will have Dad-Reenactors who will tune it to old-time music on KNUJ.\u00a0 Our clients can try tuning in hipper fare like Steve Canon or rock \u2018n roll on WDGY.\u00a0 \u201cDad\u201d will come back and switch it back to KNUJ.\u00a0 He\u2019ll tell you how the cows don\u2019t like that modern stuff.<\/p>\n
In season, though, \u201cDad\u201d will let you listen to Herb Carneal and Halsey Hall announcing Twins games.\u00a0 Cows like baseball.<\/p>\n
Of course, some things won\u2019t be exactly as they were in those long-ago days.\u00a0 The gutter cleaner will actually work.\u00a0 We all spent hours fixing those with our dads, learning useful cuss words.\u00a0 We don\u2019t need to duplicate that experience.\u00a0 Our gutter cleaner will work, and when the stanchions are scraped, fresh straw put down, and barn lime spread on the cement, our visitors will remember the absolute perfection that is a clean barn.\u00a0 This is just before a cow disrupts that with some type of excretion.<\/p>\n
After a time, our guests will wander up to the haymow.\u00a0 With haybales to climb and build forts, they will instantly be a boy or girl again.\u00a0 The great thing about a haymow was the layer of hay that covered the floor, making it seem impossible to get hurt.\u00a0 There\u2019ll be a basketball hoop up at one end where they can pretend to be George Mikan, Bill Russell, or Larry Bird, depending on whether they were a Fifties, Sixties, or Seventies kid.<\/p>\n
Calf feeding will bring a cascade of senses rushing back.\u00a0 After getting warm water from the milk room, you\u2019ll stir in the milk replacer with your hand, turning the powder chunks into a soupy mix.\u00a0 Then you let the calf suck your hand clean.\u00a0 This was the most exciting physical sensation you knew.\u00a0 (Remember, you\u2019re a kid; this is long before sex.)<\/p>\n
A cup that came in a bag of milk replacer will be hanging on top of the hydrant out in the yard where our clients can get a drink.\u00a0 The cup will be crusted in green gook.\u00a0 That is disgusting, but now scientists understand that was how our generation inoculated ourselves.<\/p>\n
In the winter, there will be a line waiting to climb the silo chute to throw down silage.\u00a0 Being inside a warm, fermenting silo on a cold day is about as close as you\u2019ll ever come to be in the womb.\u00a0 Silage itself is a wonderful goulash that looks and smells almost good enough to eat.\u00a0 Then you get to pitch this corn-hash to appreciative cows with large tongues.<\/p>\n
In the summer, for an additional fee, patrons will be able to make hay.\u00a0 Men can choose to cut hay with a Farmall H or a John Deere B.\u00a0 They will drive out to the field shirtless because a tan is cool.\u00a0 The smell of fresh cut alfalfa will open the memory vault like a damn burst open.\u00a0 After they get sunburnt, our Mom-Reenactor will rub Noxzema on their back while scolding them for being stupid.<\/p>\n
When it comes time to bale, we\u2019ll stack the bales three, four, or five high depending on our client\u2019s oomph-ability.\u00a0 Around 3:00, our \u201cMom\u201d will bring out a lunch of bologna sandwiches on Wonder bread.\u00a0 Later, \u201cDad\u201d will let you have a Hauenstein from a case of returnable bottles, even though you are a 13-year old kid on our farm.<\/p>\n
I was explaining to Terry how great this is going to be.\u00a0 I recalled the scene in the movie Field of Dreams where Terrence Mann (James Earl Jones) tells Ray that he has to keep the ballfield.\u00a0 \u201cPeople will come, Ray.\u00a0 They’ll turn up your driveway, not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past.\u00a0 They’ll pass over the money without even thinking about it. For it is money they have and peace they lack.\u00a0 It’ll be as if they’d dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick, they’ll have to brush them away from their faces.\u201d<\/p>\n
Barn of Dreams, Terry!\u00a0 We are going to make so much money.<\/p>\n
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Everybody I know grew up on a dairy farm.\u00a0 Okay, it just seems that way.\u00a0 Most of my farm kid buddies spent time with cows. \u00a0We dairy kids had a certain subtle scent when we came to school after morning chores: \u201cEau de bovine.\u201d\u00a0 Hundreds of farms in Brown County sold milk back then. At …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[162],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-105067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weeds-by-randy-krzmarzick"],"aioseo_notices":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-05-22 19:07:35","action":"change-status","newStatus":"trash","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=105067"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105147,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105067\/revisions\/105147"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=105067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=105067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=105067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}