I didn\u2019t invite him.\u00a0 He just showed up and now he won\u2019t leave.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you hate when visitors do that?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m talking about the ten pounds I put on this winter.\u00a0 Old Mr. 180 Pounds.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t seen him on the scale since I happily tipped 170 a few years ago.<\/p>\n
Like a lot of us, my weight has yo-yoed over the years.\u00a0 Well, more like trampolined or bungee-jumped.\u00a0 There\u2019s been sixty pounds of me that have been more or less.\u00a0 That\u2019s not unusual for Americans.\u00a0 There never has been a place as blessed with a reliable food supply.\u00a0 Alas, too much of a blessing becomes a curse.\u00a0 We have fruits, vegetables, and lean protein year-round in the grocery store.\u00a0 We also have cheddar-flavored kettle chips, jalapeno beef sticks, and honey roasted peanuts.<\/p>\n
Good old 180 showed up when ankle surgery had me mostly inactive.\u00a0 Plus, it was Covid winter anyway, with less going on.\u00a0 Plus, Pam took some time off and decided to cook for four of us even though there\u2019s only two of us.\u00a0 Plus, there are so many good beers nowadays.\u00a0 Those are my excuses.\u00a0 They aren\u2019t great ones.\u00a0 But I\u2019m sticking to them.<\/p>\n
I hadn\u2019t seen 180 for a while, but he moved in and acted like we\u2019d never been apart. The thing about extra pounds is it\u2019s not necessarily good that there is more of me.\u00a0 Pam loves nature, and the more of it she sees the better.\u00a0 She loves me, but her love for me does not increase as I increase.<\/p>\n
I found myself digging through my pants for size 38s.\u00a0 I\u2019d happily sent most of them to the thrift store when I fit into 36s.\u00a0 Now I only fit into 36s if I lie to myself and suck in my gut.\u00a0 Lying isn\u2019t so bad; the waistline snugness hurts after a while.<\/p>\n
180 likes to sit around and watch YouTube.\u00a0 Did you know you can find every song, TV show, movie, and game ever played online?\u00a0 You could literally watch things for the rest of your life.\u00a0 And maybe a few weeks beyond if no one noticed you had passed.\u00a0 YouTube keeps playing algorithmically driven content.\u00a0 If you die watching Dwight Yoakum videos, YouTube will eventually work its way through country music of the Nineties before moving on to Saturday Night Live episodes.<\/p>\n
Last week, I had decided to go walking on a warm day, thinking a little exercise might help shrink the expanded me.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0When I told that to 180, he looked at me like I had grown a horn on my forehead.\u00a0 \u201cSure, whatever,\u201d he said.\u00a0 As I started to put my shoes on, 180 announced with great excitement, \u201cHey look!\u00a0 It\u2019s a rebroadcast of the 1965 All Star Game at Met Stadium.\u00a0 C\u2019mon, let\u2019s watch.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was nine years old when I watched that!\u00a0 I said, \u201cSure, but just a couple innings.\u201d\u00a0 By the time Harmon Killebrew homered in the fifth, it was getting dark outside.\u00a0 180 asked, \u201cYou got snacks?\u201d<\/p>\n
180 is a big fan of craft beers, the ones that are equivalent to three Keystone Lights in taste, calories, and cost. \u00a0One night we were sitting around watching historic Twins playoff losses, when he said we should have a beer.\u00a0 I told him it wouldn\u2019t kill me to go without one for a day.<\/p>\n
180 pretended not to hear me.\u00a0 \u201cYou know that Schell\u2019s sampler in the basement?\u00a0 There\u2019s Schell\u2019s Cream Ale in there.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that one of your Top Ten Beers?\u201d\u00a0 He was right.\u00a0 Off I went to the basement.\u00a0 180 didn\u2019t exactly twist my arm.\u00a0 The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.\u00a0 The flesh likes Schell\u2019s Cream Ale.<\/p>\n
One night 180 and I were enjoying a slice or three of summer sausage, when he mentioned that he had seen 190 and 200 around, and they wouldn\u2019t mind coming back for a visit.\u00a0 I expelled them along with 180 and grimaced at the thought of lugging those pounds around.\u00a0 180 ignored my frown.\u00a0 \u201c190 and 200 said they really enjoyed their time with you.\u00a0 They were wondering if you still make those nachos with extra cheese?\u201d<\/p>\n
180 was getting on my nerves. Then he took things too far.\u00a0 \u201cI saw 230 a while back.\u201d\u00a0 I put my hands over my ears, yelling, \u201cLALALALA!\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to hear about 230.\u00a0 230 brought back memories of Fat Albert, Fat-Fat-the-Water-Rat, and probably some other Fats I\u2019ve suppressed.<\/p>\n
My hope was once I got outside to work, 180 would go away. Have you noticed it\u2019s a lot easier to put on ten pounds than it is to take off ten pounds?\u00a0 Why is that?\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s because it\u2019s easier to convince yourself that a piece of braunschweiger would be good than the opposite.\u00a0 \u201cI know, I won\u2019t have a piece of wonderful braunschweiger.\u00a0 That\u2019ll be fun!\u201d<\/p>\n
Besides eating a lot and taking up space in the house, 180 had other qualities which make him a bad guest.\u00a0 He takes things that aren\u2019t his.\u00a0 Pam had a bag of Australian licorice.\u00a0 Pam is a disciplined snacker who can eat a single piece a day.\u00a0 One day, the bag was empty.\u00a0 180 and I pointed at each other.\u00a0 Investigations are ongoing.<\/p>\n
The other day 180 said to me, \u201cWe should get some donuts.\u201d\u00a0 I reminded him that donuts are one of the things I swore off to get from 200 to 170.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a peanut donut down in the freezer.\u201d<\/p>\n
I told him that\u2019s a historic donut and to keep his hands off it.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s the Last Bakery-Made Donut in Sleepy Eye.\u201d\u00a0 I loved the peanut donuts from Dan\u2019s Bakery, and bought a bag when they closed.\u00a0 When I got to the last one, I realized I had a relic.\u00a0 I told Dan and Sue about it once and considered giving it to them in a frame.\u00a0 I never got around to that, and there it remains, in a baggie in the freezer.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s toss in the microwave and eat it,\u201d persisted 180.\u00a0 \u201cI bet it\u2019s good.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s ten years old!\u201d I yelled.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, I\u2019m thinking of donating it to the Historical Society.\u201d\u00a0 180 looked at me weird.<\/p>\n
180 is annoying me, and I\u2019d really like him to leave.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I just ate a large chocolate chip cookie while I finished this.\u00a0 180 might be around a while.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I didn\u2019t invite him.\u00a0 He just showed up and now he won\u2019t leave.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you hate when visitors do that? I\u2019m talking about the ten pounds I put on this winter.\u00a0 Old Mr. 180 Pounds.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t seen him on the scale since I happily tipped 170 a few years ago. Like a lot of …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[162],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-123252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weeds-by-randy-krzmarzick"],"aioseo_notices":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-05-22 07:29:35","action":"change-status","newStatus":"trash","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/123252","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=123252"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/123252\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":123253,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/123252\/revisions\/123253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=123252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=123252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sleepyeyeonline.com\/goodnews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=123252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}