Family Living Focus: What to do When Someone Talks about Suicide

Gail Gilman, Family Life Consultant, M.Ed., C.F.C.S. and Professor
Emeritus, University of Minnesota

Although not as common in seniors, often individuals contemplating suicide
will give some sort of indication.  An older adult might say: “I wonder what
it would be like if I wasn’t around?” or “Nobody would miss me if I wasn’t
here.” or “I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.”  This may be their
way of asking for help.

Don’t be afraid to ask – “Are you thinking about harming yourself?” or “Have
you been thinking about ending your life?” versus “You aren’t thinking of
committing suicide, are you?”  The first question offers an opening for more
dialogue.  The second closes the discussion by indicating you don’t want to
listen.  Try to determine their level of distress and ask about thoughts or
plans of self-harm.  Note: By raising the issue, you are not likely to
instill the possibility of suicide in someone who is not already thinking of
it.

Listen – to how the person describes the problem and learn about what
problems the individual believes suicide would solve.  Your genuine
attention and concern may be the most helpful element of offering hope.

Offer Support – to the individual in distress with “I care” statements such
as “I want to help you” and “You are not alone” and “I will help you get the
services you need.”

Assure – them of your support and confidentiality, however, do not promise
to maintain secrecy when risk to life is involved.

Act Immediately – to ensure safety and address acute care needs.  Offer to
take them to get help from a counselor or a crisis center.  Help them call a
suicide hotline or call 911 if the threat is immediate.

Seek Consultation – Talking about suicide may be a new experience for many
people and can be anxiety producing.  Make sure you have support from other
professionals to get information, develop strategies and receive support for
yourself and the person you are serving.

Refer to Appropriate Service – for a psychological evaluation and/or mental
health treatment program.

Follow Up – with the individual through your regular contacts.