Family Living Focus: Caregiver Respite: Enjoy a Guilt-free Time-out
Gail Gilman, Family Life Consultant, M.Ed., C.F.C.S. and Professor
Emeritus, University of Minnesota
Why is it that the words “respite” and “guilt” seem to go hand in hand? Why
do caregivers feel they are somehow failing their loved one by admitting
that they need help, need time to recharge their batteries, or just need
time to play a bit? Perhaps because so many still hold on to the myth that
says the caregiver has to be all things to all people.
The truth is that no matter how hard we try, we are not a super caregiver
extraordinaire. We are human with all the same needs and feelings as every
other person in our lives. Just like everyone else we need to take time to
smell the roses.
The thought of going away for even a brief time for many caregivers is
fraught with fears of disaster and chaos because we are not there to oversee
everything. Many caregivers think that no one can replace what we do as
caregivers to our family member or loved one.
This belief is not so far from the truth. In fact, no one can replace the
caregiver. The love and support caregivers provide cannot be duplicated by
anyone. Sometimes it is okay to let someone else do the best they can for
the family member, so that the caregiver can take time to regroup and in
doing so, be able to continue being the wonderful caregiver that they have
been. It is a simple concept. Using the principles of respite we will
ultimately be providing the very best care to our loved one that is humanly
possible.
As a caregiver it is important to recognize that it is okay to take a break
from our caregiving duties. It is okay to feel tired, and want to have a
break from caregiving. Not only is it okay, it is a right!
Caregivers need to stay healthy both physically and emotionally. By not
doing so you help create a potential problem down the road. No one can keep
going day after day without a break. Sooner or later it will catch up with
you, and not only will you suffer, but your loved will as well.
It is equally important to know that not taking a break can and often does
result in medical complications to the caregiver. If a medical emergency
developed for the caregiver, who then will help provide the care to their
loved one?
Ask any caregiver who has been at it for any length of time, and you will
learn that their own health has suffered when they failed to take proper
care of themselves. Respite care is one way in which the caregiver can get
this needed break, and hopefully do it without that old guilt feeling
creeping in. By taking care of you, and recharging your own batteries, you
are ultimately taking care of your loved one. There is no need to allow
guilt into the picture. This will only prevent you from reaping the full
rewards of a true respite.
Respite care can be anything from a few hours a week, to longer periods of
up to two weeks or longer in some cases in order to provide care to a loved
one while the caregiver takes a break.
Respite care provides caregivers the opportunity to:
* Take a vacation.
* Have a weekend getaway.
* Attend to home or work responsibilities that have been building up.
* Recharge their energy to be better prepared to provide the attention
and patience required on a daily basis.
Think about these principles to ensure your guilt-free respite:
* I am entitled to take care of myself.
* I am worthy of a break.
* I am showing my commitment to my caregiver role when I take steps
like respite care to ensure that continued quality care is delivered to my
loved one.
* It is okay to relax and enjoy other aspects of my life.
* It is okay to take a break and recharge my energies.
* It is okay to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible.
* It is okay to continue to dream.
* If roles were reversed, there is no question I would want my loved
one to have respite.
* It is right and responsible of me to also have respite.
Some short-term respite solutions include enlisting another family member,
neighbor, or friend to stay with your loved one for a few hours several
times a week. This offers an opportunity for the caregiver to have a “mini
respite”. Activities can include going shopping, to a movie, going fishing,
getting your hair done or having a pampering facial. For many who are not
comfortable leaving their family member for longer than a few hours, this is
an excellent way to recharge the batteries, and at the same time, do
something special for you. Often it is just doing a little something extra
like this that can make all the difference to the caregiver who is feeling
the strain in all that they have to do each day.
Another option is the scheduled respite in which your loved one is entrusted
into the care of a respite service center, or perhaps another family member
will take on the role while you have a much needed rest. Respite centers
offer temporary residents a variety of services that meet all of their needs
from around-the-clock medical care to recreational activities while
vacationing family members will be put at ease knowing that their relative
is well taken care of during their absence.
